I had a panic attack...

I had a panic attack...again. And this time I just had to document it. Not a pleasant experience at all, but it makes me wonder what exactly is happening inside of my crazy (atrophied?) physiology. Seriously, to experience what an attack feels like is nothing short of -- for lack of better expressions -- blech.

And it always seems to start off without a hint of its oncoming, harmlessly enough. I went grocery shopping. (Tuesdays being "Seniors' 2% Off Day", but it's not me!) Weather is disgutingly hot and humid, as always, and it still is. In spite of the fact that cool winds and rolling thunder were promising some rain, which then failed to do so. Anyway, then came our -- my Da and me -- return to the car in the residential parking lot.

The world was moving by faster again. The sounds were louder than usual again. I couldn't breath again. The smells, mostly unpleasant ones, were suddenly the preoccupation of my olfactory senses again. My skin crawled again, I wanted to stop and die at that instant...

And Xanax helped, even if it was a little, and did its work effectively. However, I didn't feel drowsy upon consuming those tiny buggers at all. Thank the love of evil (and a "kaboom!" to o'Malley, please) that I found them, even if it was a tad bit late... I just wonder if breathing right could really help. I did try and all in vain too, no doubt as a panicked mind fails to comprehend the purpose of calming one's self down.

I really hate panic attacks.

Sprechen Deutsch

"Jetzt Ich sprechen Deutsch..."

Or at least for this short moment. And not surprisingly, my throat hurts. Anything with an "R" is guttural like French -- almost interjectory. And Heiße is nasty on keyboard input, along with every other umlaut I can possibly imagine. Damn, I need a list.

I am on German lessons now, starting tonight but the teacher (Die Frau) wasn't here. So there was this relief teacher (Der Mann) -- Kristoff (sp?) -- who has this hilarious irk for Bavarian or Southern German speech. And the infamous Führer was his greatest thorn in his backside. Can't blame the Berliner, since the non-German dud practically had the language murdered.

Did you know that Angela Merkel has this doctorate in physics? Christ.

Well, at least now I know how angst is pronounced. And it is always easier to type in German. Now that my throat is sore, I'd love to shut up and read my Japanese, thank you very much. Mruh.

Japanese Jargon

No kidding, it is frickin' 3 O'clock in the morning.

Anyway, I'm so VERY glad I finished sending the mail to my teacher. Been pretty bad of me not to reply to her sooner. But then my mind wasn't on the language and it certainly the fact hasn't dawned upon it that I have something big tonight. I'm not telling what it is.

I have to admit Japanese has some really bizarre semantics in it. And tardiness isn't going to be value for my money nor value for myself if I don't read, write or practice. I wonder if NJstar is really worth the hype? Hmm.

Wooh! I can't type another word, let alone another letter. I just so happen to cut my fingernails too short and boy, do they hurt. Well at the rate they're going it won't be long before I overtrim. er, trim them again. I better get my eyes checked.


Ne, Meeru o Okurimashita ka? Yokatta!

Ja mata.

Kochira Lyne desu. O yasumi Nasai.

Short and not-so-sweet reasons.

Reasons why I've not been online, so screw you if they aren't good enough. My business isn't yours anyway. Angry me.

- Mumsy's Total Knee Replacement.
- Manic episode. (I wonder how did this start?)
- Japanese class steep learning curve. (Ni. De. O.)
- Deus Ex. (Fuckin' awesome, how'd I miss this?)
- Panic attack. (Now "yay" for Xanax!)
- My cholesterol's sky-rocketed.
- I'm so damned depressed.
- 50NIC RULEZ...

Well, what do you know? Three good things, it's a start. Hurrah.


~ End of Lyne
"I need a MAN!!!" (Damn, which Power 98 DJ said this?)

I. think. I. am. back.

Been a little over a month.
And, shit, I am fagged out.
Details to come.

In the meantime...


* * *



Oh, God. Thought I wasn't this bad. Who am I kidding.


~ I'm out.